The story that changed me

On New Year’s Eve, I reflect on one of the biggest investigations of my career and how it became a bittersweet reminder of the highs and lows of chasing your dreams.

A commemorative printing plate of my first New York Times front page story

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I arrived home one afternoon in mid October to find a package awaiting me—a long, thin cardboard box with no identifying markers other than my address and a sticker emblazoned with The New York Times logo.

Upon opening the box, I found a press plate from the front page of the Monday, June 19, 2023, edition of the Times. The slender aluminum sheet, printed in electric blue ink, featured headlines like “U.S., IN LONG SHOT, SEEKS SAUDI DEAL WITH NETANYAHU” and “CONTRACEPTION IS NEXT BATTLE AT STATE LEVEL.” Yet, it was the lower right-hand corner that seized my attention—a small box with the lede to a story about Leo Messi and his ongoing partnership with Saudi Arabia. Emboldened beneath the headline read the words: by Karim Zidan and Tariq Panja.

This wasn’t just any New York Times front page. It was my front page.

I grabbed my phone and sent a text to one of my colleagues at the Times, wondering if he was the mastermind behind this. As it turns out, he was.

“It’s a tradition that staffers get the plate from their first front page story,” he said. “You ain’t a staffer but…you deserve the damn thing!”

I was touched. The article—a lengthy investigation into Messi’s relationship with Saudi Arabia’s tourism authority — was one of the most important of my career to date. It was the first time that a football superstar’s partnership with the kingdom had been laid bare, offering rare insight into Saudi’s contractual dealings. Among our findings was a clause stating that Messi could not say anything that would “tarnish” the kingdom.

As I pen this essay on New Year’s Eve, it has been exactly one year since I first laid eyes on the contract. From there, it would take nearly six months of intense research, reporting, and editorial maneuvering with The Times before it came to fruition.

Yet as I toiled away on the story, everything around me changed.

Sometime in May, I parted ways with BloodyElbow.com after nine years as the site’s investigative reporter. The site was a casualty of VOX Media’s extensive layoffs, and though my old boss Nate Wilcox managed to take Bloody Elbow independent, the site was struggling financially at the time and could no longer pay my salary.

And just like that, more than 75% of my annual income was gone.

I decided to double down on my work. I focused on finishing the NYT investigation. Who knows, I thought, maybe if all goes well I could land a coveted staff position. The article was published, and, to my surprise, was placed on the front page—1A as the editors called it.

I thought this would be my big break; my chance to join The Times on a more permanent basis—something that offered much needed job security. A week later, however, The New York Times announced that it was shutting down its sports section and moving its staff writers to other sections of the paper. My ambition to become a sports reporter for The Times was no more.

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The next few months were difficult, to say the least. I struggled to make ends meet. I burned through my hard-earned savings. My confidence wavered and I began to wonder whether there was still a place for me in journalism. Needing a change of pace, I flew back to Egypt and did not leave until a few days after the war broke out on October 7.

And from my place in the diaspora, I witnessed the ethnic cleansing of Gaza. More than 21,000 Palestinians have been killed in Israel’s bombardment of the besieged strip, a figure that will continue to rise long after this essay is published. More than 100 journalists have also been killed, the most in any recorded modern conflict. Entire neighbourhoods have been erased from existence while more than a million Palestinians have been displaced from their homes.

Meanwhile, the Western world—so-called bastions of human rights and democracy—seemed to show little interest in putting an end to the ongoing death and destruction. The United States, Israel’s staunchest ally, recently bypassed Congress in order to sell military equipment to Israel and has repeatedly blocked UN resolutions calling for a humanitarian ceasefire. Other incidents, such as Germany’s crackdown on pro-Palestinian speech left no doubt of the West’s hypocrisy regarding international law and the so-called “rules-based order”—the term Western leaders invoked when rallying support for Ukraine following Russia’s invasion.

A similar trend occurred across the sports media landscape. Some of my colleagues advocated for ethnic cleansing. Most, however, simply stayed silent. Even those who called for sporting sanctions against Russia, or were vocal about human rights abuses ahead of the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. Few seemed to care about the killing of other Arabs like me.

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I began to write again with renewed vigour. I may not have been a NYT staff reporter but I have a platform with thousands of subscribers. That had to count for something.

I wrote about the death threats and intimidation facing athletes who show solidarity for Gaza. I wrote about Saudi Arabia’s geopolitical juggling act as it hosted sports spectacles while Gaza was being destroyed. And, shortly after Christmas, I wrote about how Israeli troops turned a historic football stadium in Gaza into a mass detention centre, drawing parallels to Pinochet and Franco.

Beyond the war, I continued to build on my NYT investigation on Messi, furthering the discussion about Saudi’s sports strategy beyond mere sportswashing. I filmed documentaries for some of the biggest outlets in the world and appeared on everything from NPR to Chapo Trap House. I lectured at the University of Michigan and will be speaking at several conferences in 2024. I even started my own podcast to match the increased demand from Sports Politika subscribers.

Much has changed in the 12 months since I started working on the Messi story. I began the year with a full-time job and a burning desire to become a sports reporter for The New York Times. I ended it as an independent publisher with a growing media platform and a thirst to expand my passion for sports and politics. In 2024, with your support, I plan on doing just that.

As for the NYT page one plate, I took it out of the box and leaned it against a wall in my office, where it serves as a reminder of the highs and lows of chasing your dreams. I still haven’t had it framed. Maybe one day I will.

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